Good bye Irfan. Cancer or constant reminder

Cancer acts as a far away enemy. It bombards its ugliness around me and makes me loose my loved ones sometimes. Some times its a good friend and some times its an actor whom you absolutely love.
It is a familiar term, the dis-ease is nothing if you give it your power, that is what i have learnt with the life lessons of my dearest Aunites that i have lost on different occasions.
Spritually speaking, it comes when you refuse to let go, hold on to a grudge but what I feel is that when you love unconditionally someone and you do not see them receprocating your love in the manner you expect them, refusing to love them still , unabling to tell yourself its okay that was a mistake.
Its okay to embark on a new journey of selfish love because selfless love is not appreciated on this planet. Your expectations turns into frustations and frustations into hatred.
This negativity when resides in you for longer duration your subconcious in order to save you makes a quick call to the most dangerous teacher calls cancer. The cancer pain does not remain constant, it pinches you hard inside your stomach.
I have stopped healings because i end up taking the symptoms of people I am healing and one of them was my dear Rekha aunty .When i was healing her I still can recall the constant pain in my stomach which would attack me more strongly in bouts. How hurtful it was that i was on bed and could not even stand on my own and she called me up saying that she was feeling perfectly alright. I suffered for 3 nights may be and the prayers and self healing made me call my teacher .She helped me that very night and next day i was perfectly fine but my aunt called me to tell about her relapse.
I was later asked not to heal someone but concentrate on self healing only. Again a selfish love with self . I think that is also necessary because when you love yourself selfishly you dont end up getting hurt!!!
Rekha auty passed away many years ago. Time moved on untill i end up losing my dear friend , no wonder my last book is dedicated to her and her non forgiving thoughts.
In every scripture it is said that it is in forgiving that we are forgiven. I learnt that and I am still unable to forgive many who hurt my loved ones with their sick words and deed especially those that i supported and in return they showed me their demon .
My thoughts sometimes question me why are you holding a coal? Do they even know? Do they even care? They came and they conquered the negative in you and while thinking about them you will make them rule the city of your mind , body and soul in one or the other way.
I am trying , i say to myself, to all those I loved and lost, to all those who still exists in my life.
I am trying to understand that the grief I left behind always comes and stand infornt of me as soon as I hear the word cancer. Whether it was my aunties or a friend or my favourite actor the only thing common in all of them was they did not learn to love selfishly. They demanded the return of their investment, they gave space to negativity in them by living in the past or by cursing the present, they chose to lead their life with guilt and hatred. They chose not to learn and for those who came out of this battle learned that nothing lasts forever hence even being in present you live will past . You will end up giving a call to this dangerous being called cancer subconsciously.
Live today for self, live today because you chose to love, be grateful because you could make yourself smile, be in peace that you end up giving someone peace.
Just be you and for those who are troubling you with their words, thoughts and deeds just stay away and rise above thinking this too shall pass.
I am stil confused whether I should be rejoicing that Irfan khan finally got rid of the pain he was constantly in or shall I feel sad that he left so much behind.
Whatever it is May God Rest His Soul in Peace!!!!!

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