Diwali was near and I had decided it was my time to leave the world. My depression, my inability to bear my body pains and seeing my family suffer in my suffering, somewhere manipulated my soul to leave this world. I convinced myself that I was not required. My depression took over me and I could not bear the pain, in my mind. I wrought my situation on how my responsibilities were over towards my family. I convinced myself that my teenage daughter would be taken care by my husband and an older son who was married by now will lead his life peacefully with his wife. I even convinced myself that my husband would be relieved from the everyday tension of monetary expenses of the hospital once I left. Somehow with all the pros and cons I convinced the angel of death that it was time for me to travel to the other world.
I was happy when Angel of Death heard my plea and within minutes helped me to leave this sick and tired body. My soul felt free from all the aches and pains within minutes but hardly did my soul realise that I was being selfish. I had shredded my body but I was still emotionally connected to the worldly affairs.
I saw my son pleading with the doctor. My daughter praying and requesting God to bring me back and my beloved husband had gone numb. His heart was broken and he refused to talk to anyone while sitting in one corner and crying silently.
Angel of death: so you realise now how they want you so desperately.
My soul: I thought they would move on
Angel of Death: They will in time. Come with me now. The white light is waiting for you or you want to stay till your funeral gets over.
My soul: I would like to see to prove myself that no one desired my presence because I was sick
Angel of death smiled and disappear saying- So be it!!
Soon I saw my sisters also mourning my death and pleading with God to send me back to life.
Angel of death whispered once again all are emotions and soon you will see them dissolving
During my funeral, I saw my colleagues and friends crying for me. I could hear each and everyone praying and asking me to return.
My soul too cried but as I realised it was too late to go back in the same body.
Angel of Death took my hand and we moved towards an open gate that was my first step towards another beautiful world, but I could still hear my family cries. I stopped and questioned Angel of Death what if I want to go back, can you take me back?
Angel of death laughed and said if you wanted to go back so desperately why did you call me in the first place!
My soul apologised but I knew I had made him angry very angry somewhere. I was being emotional. I saw him laughing out loud.
Angel of Death: Those who are crying and praying for you would soon forget you. They would soon go back to their routine life and you would no longer be missed so desperately. Trust me and come with me now.
My soul: No, they cannot I know now and I dominated my thoughts for how much I am wanted one more time to return back to my family.
This time, he calmly pushed me and took me towards my higher self, the Guardian Angel of my soul.
Angel of Death said his job is to make souls cross this gate. After that, he does not hold any responsibility.
Angel of Death: If you want to go back to earth talk to your higher self and saying this he vanished!
We do not need words to communicate in this world. This world was much beautiful with different colours. I was mesmerised by the beauty and wanted to stay here but again I was interrupted with the desperate cries of my family.
Higher self: Come let’s see the life you have lived
My soul: I don’t want to. I want to go back to them at the earliest
Higher self: But they would be fine without you soon. Forget all emotions and concentrate on the reasons you were born for. Let’s see what you have learnt from the life you have just finished. Whether you passed the test given or not.
My soul: No, I failed. I failed drastically when it came to emotions. I easily gave up. I manipulated the situation and called Angel of death to take me away
Higher self: hmmm, sit with me and watch your last life on earth.
I sat with him and realised how miserably I failed. I was able to give love but failed when it came to receiving love in return.
Higher self: Would you like to repeat your lesson with the same family
I immediately agreed
But this time, I would make your lesson tougher. Are you ready for that he asked
All I wanted was to go back to my family to undo the pain I had given to them and I agreed in haste without calculating the pros and cons, without discussing how. I left heaven without getting ready for the situations I would be facing on earth. At that time my soul was desperate to take birth but my Guardian Angel took care of everything for me and before leaving informed me that my intuition would be strong so strong that it would be disturbed by the evil and also the open gate would be closed for me until the time I would finish my lesson. He also told me that he would communicate with me from time to time. I would remember the glimpse of my last life but not everything. I quickly agreed and in seconds I was in the body of a newborn child.
All I didn’t realise was that how it would be tougher this time. I was my daughter’s son. As soon as I was born my daughter got divorced and went back to her paternal house. We were all back together in the same house, where my husband my son and daughter in law resided. They all were happy.
Each day was beautifully and life was a celebration one more time. Days turned into week and week into years I was a grown up man by now and was doing well with my life, falling in and out of love, kind of a Casanova. I never knew how tough could be my lessons with time.
One day, suddenly, I fell in love with Nidhi. I was so blind in love that I left home. I left all those people for whom I had come back .
Yes, I left home! I left those who I came back for and when I started losing them one by one I realised my stupid mistake . I wanted everyone back . I wanted to tell them how sorry I am one more time but none of them returned including Nidhi .I was lonely so lonely that I called Angel of death one more time to take my soul away but no one came. I had the power to communicate with my dead one I pleaded them to return but each one of them took birth one or the other place and I realised how stupid I was. My hasty decision of coming back to earth that too in the same family was wrong . I saw all of them turning their back on me one by one and moving ahead, none of them turned back and I sat there with watery eyes calling them. Nobody bothered to hear and each one of them took their journey and I now realised that emotion with time dissolve. It’s just we should give some time to them to dissolve. I requested my higher self to call me and one day in my dreams I saw myself standing at the open gate again. I rejoiced but the minute I tried to enter I was thrown back by my higher self-saying it’s you who choose to go back to the same family now finish your lessons and then come.
Nidhi was quietly listening to me. I especially called her to tell my story and to make a plea so that she would return back to me but instead she immediately stood up.
Nidhi: look I think you need to see a psychiatrist. These are all hallucination, past life does not exist and it is not me who made you lose your family. We thought we were in love but things didn’t work out, you cannot blame all on me. Go get a life.
She just walked away and I kept looking if only once she would turn and look at me but she didn’t .
All I could see that my wife too thought I was losing my mind and I let her go.
My mother was old and I did not have any family to carry my name ahead. I had Nidhi but she too did not understand me. What a tough lesson I had. All I am doing is living this life in a routine waiting for the gate to open for me soon.
But miracles happen only when you least expect them too. I met Sonia. She was someone who understood me and I was happy again.
One fine day, my long forgotten plea was heard suddenly but by this time I had someone else in my life who loved me the way I wanted her to. I didn’t want to go I had kids. My mother was enjoying being a grandma . No, I cannot go now! Angel of death laughed and said nothing changed in you . You are back to square one with the same plea and same urge to love this family but this time, my guardian angel opened the gate and welcomed me. I could again hear cries of my mother and my family but I knew what mistake I did one more time…
My guardian angel said I still have a chance to go back since I was in a comma in my earthly life right now. He introduced my elder son as my son in previous life. My younger was my grandfather and the cutest doll who was just born was a new addition to the family. She was my lover in 1400 BC and lost me she chose to be with me one more time . He smiled and said go if you want to go.
I did not want my next life to be tougher. I watched my life with my higher self and said I would like to stay here for some time before taking a decision whether I should come out of comma or plan my next life. My guardian angel smiled and here I am one more time with new birth but doing the same old things. Nothing has changed a bit in the time. My cutest daughter in last life is my steady girlfriend and we are going to get married soon. This time, I chose another family but stayed connected with the previous one. This is my life on earth again and again!
Moral of the story: Don’t call upon Angel of Death just because you are in your testing time because she will appear only when you would be in your happy time and if you refuse to leave you will keep on taking birth for this one lesson every time until you understand that you are here on a vacation (the biggest lesson) so stop brooding and start enjoying!!!!