“Born with a silver spoon in the mouth” these words were often uttered by my relatives for my father. And smilingly he used to tell me that I was born with a silver spoon too. We both were destined to meet each other in this lifetime with this wonderful relationship.
Last year, I had written an open letter to my father and after reading that he was taken aback. He had fondly held my hand and shared many memories which he had for me.
I never knew that it would be my last letter to my beloved father and his physical presence would vanish within the same year.
This year, while writing about him my mind asked me who will read this now. Who will give you the best hug like always and make special butter chicken for you on father’s day coz the one who did is no more.. . Sad isn’t it?
But my heart said, he will read my write-up’s through my thoughts. He will hug me in my dreams and as far as butter chicken is concerned he would put that thought in someone’s head and I will be served with love as always !!!
Trust me, last afternoon while having this conversation in my mind I never knew that my paternal aunt (My father’s sister) would prepare butter chicken for me in the evening. See how my father has become my angel and gets me what I want 😉
My papa and my grandfather both have been my best buddies and I cannot imagine anyone taking their place in my life ever.
My life moved on slowly after my grandfather’s death in 2013, and on 02nd, November 2015 a standstill came in my life with my father’s passing away, stating now both of your best buddies are gone forever.
Those who not only taught you values stood with you in your storms and made you the happiest human in this world, played, danced, sang songs, laughed have gone forever.
The house is no more a home. It is empty, the sound of silence turning out to be the most troublesome sound. The only thought which stayed with me was I don’t want to live anymore in this world.
But then, my father visited in my dreams. He keeps on visiting me from time to time in my depression and sickness and keeps counseling till he makes sure that he has made me strong and has grilled the understanding that it is just his physical presence which has gone He is listening to my every thought and is with me …
After he left, suddenly people changed. The eyes which showered love gave the most devious looks I had ever seen. Yes, I was very uncomfortable with the change but it had to come. I was in a state of shock.
I shared every little thing with my father and I am recalling a phase of my life which was one of the most difficult times of my life. It was when my friends stood against me and my father guided me and told me to remember only one thing – “It’s better to be defeated on principles than to win on lies”. The people you think were your friends are showing you their real self. Be strong and move on. They were never your friends and they never would be.
My grandfather often used to ask me to take things lightly and used to divert my mind by reading me short stories every evening.
Years have passed to this incident. I sill meet inhumane, selfish people to hurt me but my father’s guidance makes me stronger each day.
I again remember an instance here when I was hurt by someone’s words in office and I immediately called my father and told him how much I was hurt with thankless people. I kept on cribbing and he kept on listening to me without saying a word. He did not vamoose me and when I stopped my crib and said hello over the phone again assuming that the line was disconnected he said do you know what I am doing right now. I said no, he said I am preparing your favorite ginger pickle for you.
My eyes twinkled and I almost forgot about all the bad instance of that day and started dreaming of that Ginger pickle. That was my Father for me !!!! .
Till he was alive I never cried. He made sure I slept with a forgiving clean, happy heart. And when I lost the presence of both my handsome men (my grandfather and father) they once again made their way to make me feel their presence in their absence, by being there in my dreams. Guiding me gently and making me wake up with a huge smile each day. Will I ever miss them? Will I ever bid goodbye to them…
Till the day, I let you go until we say our next hello it’s not goodbye…
Till I see you again…
I’ll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
There will be no tears to cry on down the road
There is one thing I can’t deny it’s not goodbye…..